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Nestled unassumingly near the front of Töölö, in the heart of Helsinki, is the best restaurant in the world. Lots of restaurants seem like the best restaurants in the world, and almost are, but there is only one that can be king.

And this place is called Hell.

Stylish and sparse, and serving up fine food until 4am, this awesome hostelry offers treats ranging from reindeer pizza to snails with garlic and blue cheese (called Gas Lipstick, named after the drummer from Finnish megastars HIM and his obsession with this sublime dish – which is possibly the tastiest thing in the world).

It is here the four members of rock’s unsung super group (the band you hate to love, the over-proof underachievers, the resplendently independent… etc etc…) soak in the familiar air that is a Helsinki welcome, speak about activities in 2010, eat rare steak so tender that one has only the exquisite taste to remind you that there is actually something in your mouth, and recall the last 48 hours.

We hadn’t been in Finland for a full day before we’re being ushered to the One Eye Tattoo studio, where we will receive free ink, courtesy of Taneli and Pete. They will tirelessly tattoo wrists, necks, arms and ribs, gratis, while handing out free beers. The last time this happened to us was… um… that’s right, this has never happened to us before*.

Previous to that we were invited to attend the opening of a Wildhearts exhibition at the Helsinki City library, where a couple of Wildhearts fans had pooled their not inconsiderable collections together, much to the bemusement of the elderly patrons perusing the library section of the gallery, that serves as a humble reminder that the power of music is a transatlantic phenomenon in which no translation is needed.

MTV filming and magazine interviews/photos are conducted and radio interviews & station take-overs are undertaken before being treat to yet more delicious Finnish fare bolstered by copious Langerot (translated as ‘long drink’ it’s a pint of gin & grapefruit soda based heaven that must be tasted to be believed, I’ve yet to meet anyone who doesn’t love this stuff instantly) and Fisu (a chilled vodka fermented with Fisherman’s Friend sweets that delivers a huge, delicious wave to the sinuses and plants a warm glow to the chest, simply outstanding) leaving us merry and satisfied.

It’s been a great couple of days spent with wonderful people. So great, in fact, that we didn’t want to leave this morning (after about 30 seconds worth of sleep**), but I’m glad to report that we are in Tampere right now, getting ready for tonight’s show. The hotel is lovely and the band are loud.

Also the Chutzpah Jnr mini album will be available at all future gigs that The Wildhearts will play, so I trust you will all get a copy. And in the meantime please feel free to pas it around in files. You deserve it. You’re lovely.

See you at Xmas.

Gx

*Actually I have had free tattoos before, in Japan, but it wasn’t a whole band session, and hey, let’s try not to let mundane details get in the way of literary flow. Artistic license is why reading is fun, right? Er… right?

**This is an exaggeration. Once again I’d like to take the time to admit to using a little artistic license with which to effect a blunt punch to what could be considered a humorous insert.

So, it’s been a while since I wrote something here, eh? Dunno why, I guess I’ve been off busying myself with other pursuits or something. Either way it’s safe to say that I’ve missed you.

First things first, go buy the new Devin Townsend album, Addicted. Absolutely the best stuff he’s released since the awe inspiring City by SYL. You will absolutely not regret this purchase.

Oh, Antiproduct are leaving the sunny confines of LA to return to the rainy little winterland we call the U of K to appear as special guests at The Wildhearts’ Xmas shows. Given that The Loyalties are opening up this evening should effortlessly rank alongside any Xmas special we have ever put together.

And, while on the subject of the Xmas gigs the thorny issue of Chutzpah Jnr. The decision to make this available exclusively to people attending the Xmas shows is not a decision that has been made by me or, to my knowledge any member of the band. I’m sure this is a slight error and that the CD will be available at shows after Xmas. All I can personally say on the subject is that I hope the CD will NOT be on sale outside of the concert environment, dictating that you make some online friends and have them buy a copy for you. Who knows, actual friendships may subsequently blossom ensuring you all have international destinations for your future holidays? Having said this, we have management and a record label that make these decisions for us, so for all I know (and let’s face it I’ve been known to be wrong as frequently as any air breathing humanoid) you might soon be able to download it without any further effort or social value whatsoever. Yay.

Speaking of gigs, the birthday show sold out in a rapid and amazing blast of  excitement, at least for me. It’s a pretty proud old(ish) fart who knows that you are so keen to help me celebrate in style. So proud, in fact, that I have invited pretty much everyone to the party. Expect to see a veritable rainbow of familiar faces and musical masterchefs cluttering up the tiny stage at London’s Relentless Garage. I’d also like to take this opportunity to point out that we’d like you to familiarise yourself with this tune:

We hope to present a live version of this song at some point in the evening and your participation in the chorus would be greatly appreciated. We also hope to have a twitter address set up for live twittering during the evening. So whether you’re in the actual venue or a billion miles away on a nearby planet, or even somewhere in between, you can make your presence known.

We will NOT, it must be heavily stated, be streaming the show live or recording the event in any shape or format. Filming will also be strictly dissuaded. This is a private party after all. All I can say, in my meekest defence, is that I hope to have more than one birthday next year, failing that I suggest you get tickets even quicker next time. We may even make tickets for next years show available at some random point mid-next year, to give some of you the chance to arrange travel arrangements and organise a spot of Xmas shopping. For the rest of you dotted around the world, outside of practical range of this event, I can only offer, as some mild condolence, how the rest of us all feel at not being able to spend New Years in New York, Summer in Saigon and Easter in Egypt. Let’s face it, only God can be everywhere (and, between you and me, even She’s confirmed on the bill for the birthday bash).

I’ve been writing a lot lately. Right now I’ve been happy to write for other artists but it’s got my creative sword quite fiercely sharpened on this welcome stone of demand. Expect at least two albums next year to feature my strong involvement. A bold statement? You betcha. And if it doesn’t happen then I assure you that it won’t be through lack of trying. I’m itching to create like the monstrous creative force I intend to be next year, and I suspect this level of energy will be enough to make this happen. That and your positivity.

I am also pitching for my own radio show through which I hope to educate and entertain with a veritable barrage of unfamiliar delights chosen specifically to stroke the imagination and coddle the mind. Pray with me that it comes off and I know we can achieve this. Sharing my vast love of music is part of the vital service I hope to dedicate myself to in 2010.

There are a few other things that might or might not be happening, none of which I will jinx by announcing here at this point. Instead I’ll exercise a little more respect for the health boosting effects of good news and keep you all waiting.

Still, you know me. As soon as it’s safe to announce I’ll be laying it on y’all. As a bringer of good tidings I find much comfort.

Have a brilliant Xmas, and if I don’t speak to you beforehand keep your powder dry and your intentions brilliant.

Gx

At Rock Radio, Manchester for an acoustic rendition of The Only One.

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Our monitor man for this evening, Deano.

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Gav appears stern as he awaits the falling bricks through this evening's volume.

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I customised Ritch's bass drum today. I'm happy with the results.

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There will be no backdrop this evening unless you count a large C2 affair.

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So that last rehearsal is done, we’ve eaten the best Indian food that Bradford has to offer (Saffron, check it out) and now we’re waiting for the bus to turn up and take us onto the Wildhearts tour that I’m more excited about than any in a very long time.

The difference?

We are playing songs that feature backing tracks and de-tuned guitars, the sound I’ve wanted for the band for so long.

It really feel like we are bringing something new to the show with this set, we really feel like we are doing something that excites us after all these years.

There is little point in a band like us staying still after almost 20 years. We must do something that we haven’t tried before otherwise we’ll turn into a bunch of trees. Big, bored trees. In a tired old punk-o-metal forest. Or something.

Seriously, hearing the band so hopped up on volume, harmonies and riffs is a thrill that I can’t wait for you lot to experience.

This feels new. It feels fresh.

Yeah, I know, people have used samples and loops before, but the point is that we haven’t.

There aren’t many things that can stimulate after doing it this long, and we are stimulated. Mighty stimulated.

This is a sound that I feel thoroughly buzzed about. Something that we will feature for the rest of our career, if I have anything to do with it.

Fizzy pop punk is dead for The Wildhearts, we are going to take this somewhere unknown. Who on earth knows where that is, but it’s going to be an amazing ride.

The story is far from over.

Fuck, I feel like I’m in a new band now.

And as awesome as we think this album is we cannot wait to record the next one. Who knows what crazy shit that album will throw up?

As always expect the unexpected.

Man, sometimes it’s great to be in a band!

Gx

Just a quickie to say that rehearsals are sounding fucking immense.

I honestly thought it would take us ages to get these new songs together, but within a couple of days we’ve nailed the bastards and are polishing their little extremities like well loved nubbins of the rock apocalypse, or would that be rockalypse? Actually no it wouldn’t, as it is crap.

Think we may well just go with your idea of playing the album in its entirety, then come back on and play a bunch of more well known songs as the encore.

It could be really weird to have everyone stand gawping at us, not dancing, not going nuts, but staring like an audition for some competition you already kinda won. Or maybe it won’t? Maybe it’ll be as sexy as a stripper dressed as a rabbit? Actually strippers don’t dress, or else they’d be called dressers. And then they’d have to rename the wooden things you put clothes in. Then the universe would start making odd new sounds as it spins on its plinth and we’d all be fucked.

I think you know what I’m saying, and I think you know what language I’m saying it in.

Yeah, that’s right. The language of severe volume.

Will write more when this fucking whistling in my head stops.

See you at the front.

Ouch!

Gx